As the Kindergarten saying goes, "sharing is caring," which might be why dating a friend's ex can be surprisingly beneficial. Although this scenario is more common for non-monogamous folksthat doesn't mean it can't work for classic one-on-one monogamists either. Recently, a high profile example of partner swapping made headlines when actresses Kate Beckinsale and Sarah Silverman discussed maintaining their friendship despite the fact that Silverman is in a relationship with Beckinsale's ex.
It's Metafilter's 20th anniversary! To celebrate, scan some cats or help fund Mefi! Ethics involved in dating people your friend has dated casually?
A close friend, 32, dated a woman for eight months, then broke up with her. Three months later, I began dating her after hanging out with her in groups. I told my friend my intentions.
Yes, you may as many people tend to get completely wrapped up in your own feelings and give the middle finger to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, but if one of your besties decided to start humping your ex, would you be supportive or forgiving? Thirdly, yet without intending to come across as territorial in a caveman-defecating-on-his-patch-of-land sort of way, that person was with you and was part of your life. They were someone who significantly contributed to shaping the person you are today. Anyone familiar with Friends will be fully aware of how often they swapped and shared partners.
Then, all of a sudden, it happens. Your BFF starts dating that person that you had already expressed interest in. What gives?
It just sort of happened. In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.
Sometimes when you develop feelings they happen to be for your friend's ex. But, pursuing these feelings might not always be worth it. Some friends might be cool with you dating their ex, but other friends may feel it's crossing the line. Here are some potential red flags to consider if you're trying to decide whether or not dating someone your friend has dated is a good idea.
Whether or not you believe your situation is an exception, you should always talk to your friend before making any crucial decisions. Unless you value your relationship with a guy more than your friendship, respect that your friend may not be thrilled you want to start dating her ex. On the other hand, it may matter to your friend or even yourself, so tread carefully if that's the path you're choosing to take.
The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He's been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he's here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch — or several.